the winter is coming

I had wonderful weekend with the Game of Thrones and Ned Stark. And then it changed into fantastic week with Sean Bean, Lord of the Rings and obsessing about certain fanfiction. Good old times. I felt secured and strong and I was constantly amusing myself with little jokes, eventhough my health was kind of worrying. And then one phonecall ruined everything for everybody. Ok, well, maybe not for everybody but at least for me. This is some kind of an absurd situation and I am not really sure how to behave. But I'm starting to think that watching the execution of Ned once more would be a neat idea.
It is sad that I thought that I found new friends and suddenly I realised that they are ignoring me and making me feel socially invisible. All because Kate is so beautiful and elf-like and she draws attention of every male in my enviroment. And for some reason I cannot really connect with her. We would make fantastic friends if I could though. Kinda sad. But it seems that everyone ignores me because of her good qualities and again I've got the part of less interesting and less attractive background. Fuck this shit
Ned Stark, here I come to watch you die.

Lost keys

And here I am. Starting new degree of studies without money, without work, without own flat, without love. And it's getting cold, outside and inside. There are dementors out there and I need to eat a lot of chocolate. Or I guess I just don't know. When I went on the uni the first time everything was so new, so easy, so fascinating. Now it's just strange. I guess I have friends, I have somebody to talk to, but I have nobody who inspires me, nobody I would like to follow. A student without a master, that's who I am. I don't want to quote "eulogy" once again, but I really need this now. And I need to tell somebody the story of my life.
More and more often I think that this strange something I had with my sweet prince was good. Very good. We were the perfect fit, it's a shame we didn't survive. I guess I partly put the blame on our mutual friend. I wonder how would it be without her bitching about the need of having an relationship. Maybe it would be worse. maybe we got so close and so intimate because our mutual friend became our enemy. I don't know, I miss him and I know I will never talk to him again. It's forbidden by my power of self-respect. If he wanted to have contact with me, he would. I gave him a chance in june, but he ignored it. Whatever. And I'm angry with her, because by ingoring me and not informing about the change of plans she harms me more than he ever had.